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Tuesday, April 04, 2006

lalooways


The Railway minister Laloo Prasad Yadav has banned colas from trains and stations! He has introduced matkas some time back so one can imagine what our railways will become after a few years of laloorule

All railway staff should only wear pajama kurtas and preferably style their hair after their minister,
Cows could be tethered on platforms and selected yadavs could milk them and sell them directly to the passengers, the dung on the platforms would only make it as smooth as airports so that trolleys can glide over
Special concession for those with more than 7 children after the 8 th child no tickets for the rest of the children ( expect in Bihar and J and K ,because J and K is always exempted from everything and in Bihar nobody buys ticket
All station masters wives should hold the key to the control box and drivers wives should on and off drive trains specially when the husbands are under arrest oops not that I meant in bed rest
Railway canteens would henceforth sell food in mustard oil only
All announcements would be made in Bihari Hindi
TV sets would be banned in platforms instead advertisers can use Tomtomming with drums.
Trains would have top berths which means the aam janta can sit on top of compartments and dance to chayya chayya ,
500 crores would be spent to increase the height of overbridges to prevent decapitation of top berth passengers .
Conscientious railway officials would be rewarded with an all expense paid junket to Pakistan ,all they had to do would be to recite three laloo jokes a day in a laloo drawl
All compartments would carry brass spittoons which would be chained to the seats to prevent theft
Spitting competitions would be held at the discretion of the conductor for passing time in long distance trains
Hookas too would be allowed and be exempted from smoking ban
All trains would stop near big fields so that passengers can run out with lottas and conduct their ablutions in open air ,lottas would be available with the conductor obtained after paying a small fee in places like south India or even throwing him into the field in places like yes you are right Bihar
Chains to stop trains would be made more accessible and easier to handle specially for trains in Bihar and would be covered in velvet so that people can continue chain pulling in comfort
National chain pulling record holders would be rewarded annually by the great ministher he, special coaching centres for efficient chain pulling would be held for the reserved categories
Goondas, kidnappers and boothcapturers would entertain the passengers with mock acts, which at times could become real
The cow would become the mascot of Indian Railways and a committee would be formed of 100 yadavs to think of naming it cow ways
Railway recruitment tests would be based on knowledge of Lalooisms and the Indian Railway Service could be named Indian Laloo Service ( ILS )


Harimohan

1 comment:

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