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Thursday, June 19, 2014

X Education

Hari talk to him about girls
A friends advice in FB
Oh yes I thought hes 18 as a dad its my job right ?

so I went to shyam
Hey Shyam what about gals guy...
What about them ?
Well ......
..You want to talk about girls

acha (dad) ...I .read that comment in FB

Me : ah ok that makes it easier so what do you like to know ?
Shyam : Not much no probs dad dont stress yourself
Me : Well you need to be careful with girls
Shyam : oh thought it was other way around dad !
Me : Oh ya true but you know what protect yourself and all that stuff
Shyam : Yup I know that ..
Me : Oh you do .. .no one told me when I was your age ....and guy these gals as a speices they are never simple u see ....
Difficult to fathom ...In fact quite complicated they are I sighed
Shyam : Oh yes I can see that
What did he mean ...!!
observant fellow this son of mine
Me: Well men left alone are happier ,simpler, but u see nature makes us need each other !
Shyam : Oh yes.... the bee business
Me : Yes the bee ..It stings on and off ....of course with time this gets lesser, rather one gets used to stings ....Another thing we men have all thoughts in one box
The gals have several boxes so....... beware
Complex is the word ,you can call complicated too ...
One minute they are smiling and then you eye a good looking female coming they have murder in thier eyes and look like underworld dadas..... terrifying
And another thing.... they just cant sit and do nothing
Shyam : Oh u mean we men can
Me : Of course as you get older its the happiest thing to just do nothing
But that would just make them wild ..they go crazy when we just sit and do NOTHING
Shyam : Like...
Like the TV is on and we gaze at it with that faraway look and a stupid vaccant expression
Shyam : What do you think of at those times ?
Oh what else gals. Oh no not gals I told you NOTHING
Shyam :Oh ok...You mean you just gape and dont think
Me : Yup
Shyam : dad I cant do that , I have no time for that
Me : Later son later , all with time
best thing you see is to do NOTHING
Shyam : oh
Me : And then when we guys jam together we become boys ,we want to play pranks, have a beer , we laugh at bawdy jokes , and generally enjoy till wifey comes along
Shyam : Oh
Me : Yup
Men are always little boys
And even little girls are like women

Shyam : Ok acha .....enough now want to watch football
Me :Oh football
See again men playing like boys in half shorts
I told u
Men are little boys who need thier gals
He looked amused my son he did

Friday, June 06, 2014

Lucky Prize

I can be counted among the many on whom lady luck never smiles in winning prizes ,lotteries or jaldi fives !
So when I got a call the next day I visited a mall in Chennai that I have landed the first prize of the lucky draw of the previous day I was pleasantly surprised ,
I now remembered the persisting request for my phone number and name by one teenager in the mall and I had given it to her with a giggle !
and now this !!

ME : what is the prize ?
         Sir there are three prizes  !!
ME : Oh three
          Yes three big prizes !

        one is you and three more from your family can stay free ....freee in a five star hotel within period of one  year in Singapore ,Malaysia or Bali !!
ME :Oh
        which place  would you like sir ?
ME :  Malaysia I have gone a couple of times ,Singapore too maybe Bali yes Bali
        Ok  Sir Bali !!for you ,,now 2nd prize
( unbelievable guys !)
     One day in a resort near Chennai for a family of four !
ME : Oooo how did you know we are a family of four ?
        well its all your luck sir you radiate it !
 and finally one big huge bundle of kitchen appliances for your wife
ME : Oh really and when do I collect all this ?
         Tomorrow sir tomorrow
ME : hey wait where is the catch ,don't think of me as naïve you should have some strings attached !
         No sir this is a lucky dip you won,so  come and  collect it with your wife .
ME : What ?
         Come and collect with your  wife Sir
ME : oh but wife not here she is abroad !she cant come even for all this now
        But sir our rules are strict prize can be handed over only for a couple .
ME :Now what do I do for a wife !
       Well sir you should answer that !
ME:  I can bring her alive in Skype and as she smiles you hand over the goodies what do you say ?
        Sorry sir we need a wife in person note a Virtual Wife !

This girl was getting difficult ,other than getting an actress to act as my wife I couldn't think of anything
second marriage for such a cause though tempting would be disastrous legally morally and for the future as murder and mayhem would result from my present one !
of course I had some suggestions from some well wishers wont tell from whom
one was to request a single cousin to don the role ,well repercussions and Facebook images frightened me into vetoing this
another came from my dear wife who was consulted by me
you get our maid and husband to receive it and transfer to you !
How Simple
ME : what if they don't transfer ...?
man with greed becomes foolish
so I called back
ME : look can I ask maid and husband a 60.. 65 couple to collect it for me
        oh no sir you should come with a female companion strange now the word  wife was gone !
ME : oh look you people are playing the fool I can only come alone you want you give or else don't waste my time
this did the job
Hari at his angry man best ....... Amitabh Bachan  would have flushed
       Yes sir in your case we can consider as  special please come at 10 am tomorrow to spencer plaza for the briefing and the prize
ME : Breefing    ? what briefing you said no strings attached
        No no sir it is not conditional but we hope you will go through it and then collect the prizes
ME  :ok will come
Next day at 10 am I walked in looking every inch as the  first prize winner
 I was stunned to be taken into a hall full of small tables with several couples dressed  in their best !
ME : All prize winners ?
         Yes sir with wives !
ME :Oh she pointed to my deficiency subtly
 I was made to sit in a table and another  very sweet little thing sat in front of me
       how are you sir I am  S..... ........are you comfortable with me ?
well strange question to a single guy well not truly single I meant singular !

      Sir are you comfortable with me ?
I looked around the choices weren't better looking  so I replied of course among the lot good you are good
      Sir shall we begin ?
ME : What !!!!
      Sir shall I begin

ME :  what again ?
        Sir our briefing
ME : oh your briefing please do
        Sir we are a time share resort business
Ah ha here it comes
ME : look you people told me no strings attached I already own a  a time share resort membership since the time you were in kindergarten ( I bit my tongue after that sentence  cant denigrate oneself you see )
so don't you try to sell me one give me my prize and let me get going
haha  a man of few words
     Of course sir we just want to tell you that's why we ask for wives because if husbands hesitate to take  they convince them to take it
ME : well in my case Iam more easier to be convinced than my wife specially by you ..naughty
        My job is to convince you sir
ME  :go ahead
       Sir now our manager will give you the financial details of the scheme
suddenly there was loud clapping as one of the couples succumbed to the glib talk and bit the bait
      Sir did you hear that
This from a moron with a moustache who now  sat in front of me !!
where did she go what an apparition !
ME :well who are you ?
       Sir the manager
ME : oh
       Sir did you wonder about the clap ?
at that time one more clap and congrats chorus
   See sir again and again and again these are lucky couples who have become part of our time share you are lucky to be invited as single Iam sure you will join them shortly !
ME : well being single why should I join the other couples ? what are you suggesting ?
moustache was slightly confused
      No no I meant joining  the time share along with the other couples !
ME : I have to think
         please don't sir
ME :  well you are asking me not to think is it !
        No sir generally wives do the thinking  husbands sign cheques and as you are alone you can do it
ME : well my dear moustaschio  Iam the thinking husband can you give the goddam prize I shall think about your resort and let you know !!!!
This time it was a furious Hari
cue taken form Mohanlal Malayalee superstar who in one his hit films  says to the local corrupt police officer
hey,,,,,,you mouse ... I wont threaten you like lousy politicians about you losing your cap I will slice your head off !
that did it
     yes sir
He called for the prize
A small cover with a promise of a weeks stay with discount in hotels when rooms available
a days off time in their club off Chennai
and a tiny packet of serving discs
Bye sir nice meeting you

so much for my First Lucky prize

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