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Friday, April 24, 2009

SLIPPER THROWING



It all started with the Iraqi journalist and his missed target.
The great game of throwing shoes at hated targets sprung from this innocuous beginning
Former president Bush smartly ducked from the missile aimed at him and even had the presence of mind to comment on its size and its poor aim,
What happened to the journalist is still a speculation

Strangely this start spurred an exodus of flying darts of footwear on politicians especially in India as elections approached.
The voter found a release by flinging his slippers on the slippery politician
No pun intended

As different sizes flew several duckings happened

The stunned finance minister the sophisticated and suave Chidambaram looked a trifle surprised and shocked at this flying hate.


A teacher here a Sardar journalist there

Suddenly everyone itched to get their fingers on their footwear’s and throwing them with or without precision

Of course one feels sad of missed opportunities when one thinks of dead politicians ,
maybe the fever has caught up in heaven too ,no it would only be hell
( where else can the politician go )

Slipper companies smiled with satisfaction
the ways of destiny
they never expected the politician to rescue them from the throes of recession
were the cause for their comebacks
Slipper sales had to grow you see
One couldn’t get along with the one slipper and had to buy a new pair
And one had more to throw too

So the Batas, Caronas and Paragons had the last laugh

Psychologists termed the itch that comes with throwing slippers as
Acute slippero techo phobia classified unde
r class II of psychiatric illnesses as per WHO classification
This as per definition is a phobia triggered generally by politicians or their like who actively stimulate in people the need for quick gratification of the hate impulse.
The pathophysiological mechanism is by reactivating an immediate neuroreflex phenomenon stimulating the amlogydia of the midbrain which in turn produces a suffusion of GABA release causing a volley of motor impulses that direct the hand to quickly clutch one slipper at a time to aim it and throw it all in a matter of nano seconds,
They also explain the phenomenon of lost aim as partially due to incoherent impulse pathways due to a hyper stimulation of emotional inputs whereby the neurons are overpowered by the excess inputs which produces a crashed circuit breaking phenomenon .
Intense stress releasing practices like yoga and meditation before the act cold give better results says research

But missed aims give politicians the opportunity to smile away their missiles

To rectify this grave demeanor a school has began in Kanpur which has tackled the issue with all seriousness deserved of it,
One undergoes intensive training from accredited Dronacharyas who train their students to throw slippers on target
Practicing is done on effigies and it is learnt that nowadays many excel in the art.
We are producing a generation capable of great slipper throwing

This of course had made the politician go for slipper guards
Similar to bullet proof glass to protect him
So these days he hides behind wired mazes to grin and groan at the public

And gathers more slippers than votes !

This has also made him think of serious recycling as most Indian politicians are ecologically aware and correct,
They have instructed their assistants to collect the slippers thrown at them and pair them according to size color and side and refurbish them and sell them with a new brand name
in this way even if they lose the elections they have an alternate income
This gives an idea of the ingenuity of the Indian politician who can turn any negative into a positive.


Word is around that slipper throwing could be requested for entry into the next Olympics as India has a strong chance of getting that elusive gold medal

To be a professional slipper thrower one needs skill along with hate

Scientists from the molecular physics laborotary in Bangaluru have calculated by using spectro photodynamic studies that the speed of slippers flung is directly proportional to the hate quotient and also the weight of the slipper using the minimal theory formulae .
Einstens E=mc 2 also explains its dynamics .

Aerodynamic designs with inbuilt navigational mechanics have attracted missile scientists to use satellites to direct the slippers to long distance targets, the way things are going intercontinental missiles are even thought about ,defence scientists are seriously thinking of developing state of the art slipper missiles in Sriharikota


The Oscars are planning to get into the field as they feel that this is an art that needs creative insight and an award is in the offing for the best
Rehaman and Rasool pookutty could have compettion now !

Reality shows are planning for millions in prize money and the whole country is agog in throwing slippers
These days one rarely finds slippers to walk around as most of them are only for throwing .
it is a common sight for people to walk into a footwear shop and stand in a long queue to get the right one
the sales people are helpful with their quick demonstrations

There are pricey ones and some branded ones too!

Advertisements and jingles have started appearing
One goes like this


Have fun it is no sin
Throw a shoe at who is who
Fling your slipper

And don’t you trip ..err


Models with gelled hairstyles throwing slippers are commonly seen in many channels
Slipper episode TV serials are a dime a dozen
Sob sequences of missed targets often appear where the whole family weeps on missed aims

Todays throw is often flashed at intervals in news channels
Experts appear to discuss good throws
Replays are repeated of great throws

Even romance has entered the scene as one heard of the best female thrower falling in love with the best male one
One can imagine what they would have done after marriage!

So dear friends bend down and pluck your slipper and throw it to where it belongs

You know where!



if not ,then go to Kanpur and learn

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