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Thursday, January 21, 2016

Its all about destiny



P.G.Wodehouse is an English writer for those who have not heard of him and his writings come under the genre of humor and satire.
When I mention not heard of him though sacrosanct to his ardent readers to a large part of humanity he is an unknown,
They vaguely picture him as a Victorian writer dabbling on dreary earls in their foggy castles and slippery butlers.
Well all these are true but he means much more than all this to his admirers
Evangelism is difficult with PGW as converting someone to like his books often results in abject failures, either you are tuned to like him or not .
It’s in ones genes
 it’s all about the DNA either one owns it or one doesn’t there is no half way to it !
One mostly doesn’t fall to PGW literary charms unless there is a plum in the blood I would say, plum incidentally is his fond nickname by which his fans endear him with.
The best thing about his books are they are light and settle down like a wisp on  ones grey matter quietly like a feather floating to the ground in slow motion .
They pep you up like no antidepressant can ever do, one minute you are in the depths of pathos and looming dark clouds have engulfed your poor soul and the next you dip into a plum tome the sunshine peeps to dry and refresh the sodden soul.
The books tingle the laughter pheromones which happily trill all over and the reader is suffused with a calm and happiness akin to Zen meditation.
They never lurk on forbidden crevices like fear as for example a Stephen king’s books does where ones thudding heart threatens to escape its bony  cages or where one’s eyes threaten to jump out  with terror !
Nor do they tax the intellectual faculties like heavy tomes of classics or philosophies but just leaves the cerebral convolutions in peace, there are no hovering dark clouds which excite the lacrimal glands to profusion, of course one can laugh so much that one cries.
All his books are universal and one never needs to hide it from ones children for fear of forbidden matter ,the only problem is they hardly look at it
Reading a PGW can be anywhere anytime and anyplace in the book not that it has no continuity, it       does have but the beauty lies in its analogies its minutiae where every word excels in making you smile or laugh and one can just pick any page at random from any PGW book and by the end of that page one is assured at least four to five laughs.
Which writer can give you a guarantee to beat that?
His books are full of  of stern aunts who cajole and threaten alternatively their feeble nephews or try to pair them with quirky damsels  ,feeble uncles who totter around pigs and stammer in public meetings t it hovers on floating butlers who can in a deuce find  solutions for vexing issues out of thin air like magic and present  them to their masters with panache .                                                                                                                                                  There are decrepit and wasteful men of the world who only see the sun setting which prods them to their nocturnal visits to lazy clubs and bars and live the life of the idle and rich, there are endowed rich uncles who provide unstable allowances for these men for their frolicking amongst the evils nof humanity  ,there are chefs who with their nimble talents produce food for the gods and are constantly in danger of being pilfered from their masters , there are loony thick eye browed doctors who treat the disturbed .
What’s so great about all this?
Any non plummite may ask this but a plumite would just give a knowing smile, for he knows hidden among these simple plots are words and sentences that would evoke the smile from the thinnest lipped Englishman!
One can spot a PGW fan reading his book in public from far.
Generally these men or women give the surroundings definite  doubts of their sanity as they show their myriad emotions on their crinkled faces  which would occasionally burst into guffaws at frequent intervals followed by embarrassed smiles and nodding at the neighborhood which by  now is sure of what they suspected all along .
I am yet to hear of any police complaint from the public on the man or the woman who keeps grinning at his book in airports or railway stations and giving suspicious smiles yet, but the days aren’t far for this to go with the paranoia of the times.
The fans of Wodehouse also tend to group together and have meets that are as quirky as they come most of them turn into characters in their favorite plum book and for a foreigner the whole bunch needs urgent attention and strait jackets, they are generally seen in coffee houses or clubs trying to pilfer each other’s caps or tapping one another with long umbrellas or these days taking selfies and uploading them furiously while constantly shouting what ho what ho at each other!
Like those mysterious masonic lodge members a plumite always recognizes a fellow plumite and there is a sense of blood hood when they sight the other. Like the native pygmies of dark Africa howls of recognition are a must .
Promotions are made and good wills are transferred in society they say these days all on a plum
 I have heard that millions of dollars in business have become realities because it was between PGW fans!
Romances should be sprouting too and one would hear of PGW couples in the future though my romantic interest doesn’t touch a PGW with a long pole .
Once again this piece is not to spread the word that PGW should be read
Like once it seems God told a fiery preacher I don’t need your services keep off so does PGW all the time, he would be read by those destined to do so
And we are all happy with the present small focused PGW lovers
 if you miss it its simple you have missed it there are no two words on it
its all about destiny ,what ho !





Monday, January 18, 2016

A to Z of a Mallu

A to Z of a Mallu.
iam under H ..
A.... stands for Auto rickshaw. Kerala without an auto is like himalayas without a mountain .
These midgets on 3 wheels meander through narrow roads with grinning devils on its controls. The evil of its drivers become lesser as one travels from south to north Kerala.
B .....is mainly for Bar ..A mallu stands in que in two places one in Dubai becos he wud get kicked if he doesnt and two in beverage counters for his daily liquid qouta .
Bars are essential for his breathing and are daily news in TV with corrupt ministers taking bribes from barmen thats a lot of B for you.
C .....is what else , communism for the chettas and chechis who feel romantic when they chant slogans for cuba ..another C .
D.... is for of course Dubai
one place in the world other than malluland swarming with mallus .it seems Arabs often trip on a grinning mallu in Dubai and every house in kerala gets "notgettingtogulp "syndrome if one of them dont reach its holy shores .
E is for elephant.... for a mallu life isnt one without an elephant to lean on
from plucking at its tail for a fortune to staring between its legs for virility , the mallu considers the elephant as its velliya chetta chechi .
F ...is of course for fish , like the Bongs the mallu shares three passions two F as in football and fish and third F is communism a lethal combo ,with tons of fish floating in his tummy playing football is also communism for the mallu .
G is for Gods own country ....dont know who coined this catchy phrase ,to the mallu its proof that he is Gods own with his devil giving a wide grin .
H is for hartal earlier called bandh !
clever to have changed hartal from bandh when court banned bandh ,and court is yet to recover from that masterstroke.
Mallu gets deaddiction if he doesnt get a hartal or two in a month. .
I ....is for inquilab zindabaad. From toddlers to tottering grandpas this cry is in every mallus soul but most dont know what they are howling it for every time they do so .
J is joking ...every mallu loves good jokes and has an excellent sense of humour and not slapstick at all .
K..... is for kallu the white frothing toddy from coconut or palm tree , every mallu devours this the men painting thier mustaches white ,the women make thier appaams with some kallu thrown in .
L.... if for the multi purpose garment lungi preferably as flashy as possible which he just drapes around his waste and does all his tricks folding and unfolding. Never ever attempt to ape him in this as you will be shamefully embarassed .
M ...to the mallu ....M can only be thier plumpy but agile aging superstar Mohanlal who would give. Marlon brando a run for his money .
N.... of course stands for a mallu speciality whammo ,seen nowhere in the world its called Nokku coolie which means i see you pay, in short the powerful unions force you to do the work but pay them as they look at work ..looking at these are the cops the judges and politicians of malluland smiling benignly at their juvenile children.
O.... is a spl word for mallu as he exagerrates on it while speaking manglish like Ofiice hOtel etc .
P .....is for pssst Mallu porn try googling it when no one s looking
R... is for Russia. Most mallus still have a love for old commie countries ..stalins and lenins float around in mallu houses still .
S is for Shaaapu meaning kallu shaapu where one gets food which will surely create a hole not in the wallet but in the stomach for a non mallus with no guts .
T is for chaaya
The mallu can open a tea shop anywhere even in the moon .
U.... is for Unions who threaten everyone management ,employees ,its mandatory almost all days for its members to watch the pirates of the Caribean .
V ....is a unique achievement of mallu its called vaaya nokki that is a mallu can gaze at nothing for long periods .
W.... is wayside shop ..these dot the state and one can get ciggys beedis and chaaya .
X... is for x ray eyes of mallu turned on whenever he sees any female .
Y is for music legend yesudas
to a mallu Dasettan is last frontier in music .
And finally. Z is for the zebra crossing something no mallu ever uses !
Jai mallus

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