Battle of the Bulge

For a long time in my fifties I was a fixed 94 Kg , which isn't anything to be proud of , but it isn't anything to be ashamed of too ,

I do indulge in gastronomic adventures to satisfy my soul and not  sacrifice much to shave off weight .

I agree .

Iam not a Diabetic or hyperlipedmic .

My post Covid days in 2020  when I lost a rewarding 17 kg and had  a Speckled beard to give a sagely hungry appearance was my best in recent times .

 But wife promptly flung into an action to retrieve a slim Hari back into a rounded one in a revolutionary zeal  ,

turning me  back to the 94 kg and my plump original ,by feeding me all my favourites in which she had a doctorate .

And she succeeded so fast too .

That's OK , as long as it stayed there ,but then slowly my weight  rose ,

It shockingly glided over the hundred and never stopped going up 

I was like ISROS sucessful rockets going over into  stratospheric heights in my weight business .

 I blamed all the weighing machines in the world had gone berserk .

Naturally those who had seen my FB posts will smirk ,

What do you expect with all those food you post ,cook and fill yourself with ?

You think you will be a Milind Soman or a Junior Ambani ?

You had no choice buddy .

Lard is your birthright .

But in reality dear people .

 I only have a breakfast which was just two eggs ,but now becoming a little heavier with some snacking at 3pm and a couple of chapatis for dinner .

Poor me 😕

All those dinner varieties I post  ,the Biriyanis I  make ,the ice creams ,faloodas  sweets and Liquid temptations I swallow and post in FB  are not regular guys and gals .

Believe me 🙄

 whether you believe it or not that's the whole truth my Lords .

  I unfailingly walk for an hour or swim again for an hour at least six days a week 

so dont lecture me on 

move your butt maan !!

Since last one year I joined a Gym .

Initial days were my honeymoon times as I did grow some muscles and looked smarter .

My fantasies grew and I started rippling my Biceps whenever I saw a,mirror .

I had day dreams of being mobbed by lovely lasses on my langurous shiny sweaty muscles gleaming under my shirts .

I even started to walk with a swag of a 

Mr Cochin which stopped the day my ortho friend asked me if I was developing a varus deformity .

And then it all stopped as weight went north like a bullet train .

100 looked distant now .

My friendly instructions condoled me look if you dont do Gym it will grow faster .

So I continue with the Gym and do all those pulls and pushes with those  funny things there .

My dalliance with the weighing machine at this ripe age is obscene , bordering on rape almost .

Most of my shirts are bursting buttons and barnacles  

I sweat like a pig , 

I avoid stairs like a frightened mouse 

And gasp in frustration if I have to climb some .

 I generally avoid getting on a weighing machine 

Why invite depressive readings ?

If I was going to be a Junior Ambani of God at least gimme the money that goes with it 

Iam apologetic in crowded lift and joke 

you see I can make it go faster if going down .

I definitely expect people these days  to make first comments on seeing me  .

 Oh you put on so much weight !

 is standard fare I am countered with

One smart alec added  and 

Fatter ... yaas Fatter and Darker too !

As  if people remembered my slimmer fairer days , but they definitely do seem to my darker and  fatter one with pleasure .

Once entering a function with a thin acquaintance ,who met his friend in the hall and he never knew me ,

Of course he can't comment on me 

I thought ,as I don't know him 

but I was wrong 

There is something in me that invites such comments from strangers !

The man looked at his thin friend and said 

" hey D look at you !

unlike your friends wife ( pointing to me ) yours doesn't feed you huh ! Look how healthy and rounded he is " 

Actually the comment was only on D and made by a total stranger ,but the loser was again ME 😒

My Paunch an entirely personal pelf for a man has been growing unhindered and shortly the  ground view for me  may require a mirror or my mobile .

As I try to paper over  my obese indignities  by using labels like prosperity, happiness not limited by limitations, Internally I fret and fume on my losing 

BATTLE OF THE BULGE .

Ps :  Avoid the advices please

You are allowed to laugh at my predicaments , even rolling on the floor is legal and politically acceptable behaviour .

but no advices please

Thats an offence under BNS 24 even the CJI cannot save you from 

Bye need to have my dinner 😁