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Monday, January 18, 2016

A to Z of a Mallu

A to Z of a Mallu.
iam under H ..
A.... stands for Auto rickshaw. Kerala without an auto is like himalayas without a mountain .
These midgets on 3 wheels meander through narrow roads with grinning devils on its controls. The evil of its drivers become lesser as one travels from south to north Kerala.
B mainly for Bar ..A mallu stands in que in two places one in Dubai becos he wud get kicked if he doesnt and two in beverage counters for his daily liquid qouta .
Bars are essential for his breathing and are daily news in TV with corrupt ministers taking bribes from barmen thats a lot of B for you.
C what else , communism for the chettas and chechis who feel romantic when they chant slogans for cuba ..another C .
D.... is for of course Dubai
one place in the world other than malluland swarming with mallus .it seems Arabs often trip on a grinning mallu in Dubai and every house in kerala gets "notgettingtogulp "syndrome if one of them dont reach its holy shores .
E is for elephant.... for a mallu life isnt one without an elephant to lean on
from plucking at its tail for a fortune to staring between its legs for virility , the mallu considers the elephant as its velliya chetta chechi .
F of course for fish , like the Bongs the mallu shares three passions two F as in football and fish and third F is communism a lethal combo ,with tons of fish floating in his tummy playing football is also communism for the mallu .
G is for Gods own country ....dont know who coined this catchy phrase ,to the mallu its proof that he is Gods own with his devil giving a wide grin .
H is for hartal earlier called bandh !
clever to have changed hartal from bandh when court banned bandh ,and court is yet to recover from that masterstroke.
Mallu gets deaddiction if he doesnt get a hartal or two in a month. .
I for inquilab zindabaad. From toddlers to tottering grandpas this cry is in every mallus soul but most dont know what they are howling it for every time they do so .
J is joking ...every mallu loves good jokes and has an excellent sense of humour and not slapstick at all .
K..... is for kallu the white frothing toddy from coconut or palm tree , every mallu devours this the men painting thier mustaches white ,the women make thier appaams with some kallu thrown in .
L.... if for the multi purpose garment lungi preferably as flashy as possible which he just drapes around his waste and does all his tricks folding and unfolding. Never ever attempt to ape him in this as you will be shamefully embarassed .
M the mallu ....M can only be thier plumpy but agile aging superstar Mohanlal who would give. Marlon brando a run for his money .
N.... of course stands for a mallu speciality whammo ,seen nowhere in the world its called Nokku coolie which means i see you pay, in short the powerful unions force you to do the work but pay them as they look at work ..looking at these are the cops the judges and politicians of malluland smiling benignly at their juvenile children.
O.... is a spl word for mallu as he exagerrates on it while speaking manglish like Ofiice hOtel etc .
P for pssst Mallu porn try googling it when no one s looking
R... is for Russia. Most mallus still have a love for old commie countries ..stalins and lenins float around in mallu houses still .
S is for Shaaapu meaning kallu shaapu where one gets food which will surely create a hole not in the wallet but in the stomach for a non mallus with no guts .
T is for chaaya
The mallu can open a tea shop anywhere even in the moon .
U.... is for Unions who threaten everyone management ,employees ,its mandatory almost all days for its members to watch the pirates of the Caribean .
V a unique achievement of mallu its called vaaya nokki that is a mallu can gaze at nothing for long periods .
W.... is wayside shop ..these dot the state and one can get ciggys beedis and chaaya .
X... is for x ray eyes of mallu turned on whenever he sees any female .
Y is for music legend yesudas
to a mallu Dasettan is last frontier in music .
And finally. Z is for the zebra crossing something no mallu ever uses !
Jai mallus

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