Evangelising an Evangelist

 Converting an Evangelist ..........

It was in 2017 December I think .

My first trip to USA 

All the way from Brunei .

After flying via Kuala lumpur I reach Delhi after 10 hours and then to Chicago in another 14 hours so 24 hours later I landed in freezing Chicago ,my journey was not yet over ,

I needed to go another 12 hours by Greyhound bus to Cleveland where Sruthi was doing her paeds residency then

Premila was already there and she called me over as a surprise for Sruthi .

Well that trip to US was great with us all visiting Vegas and Grand canyon etc .

But my story is in Chicago bus stand .

It was snowing and very cold outside the heaters making us warm as I munched on a burger after a quick smoke ( those days I used to smoke occasionaly ) .

A very neatly dressed black Ametican sat next to me nodding to me pleasantly .

He asked me which bus I was booked into I told him and asked same question to him .

He had some books and pamphlets with him .

He requested 10 minutes of my time so he can tell me something that could change my life .

I immediately guessed what was coming though I just nodded .

He gave me some pamphlets of Jesus and love etc and told me his message was for all mankind to return to Lord Jesus the sheperd .

I nodded and heard him out for 10 long minutes .

I had heard all this and more in India .

So what do you think ? he asked me .

Well I can answer you only if you know the faith I belong to ,so I want 10 minutes of your time too .

one good thing he had an open mind and listened to me .

I explained in simple language How Hinduism considers all living things as sparks of divinity which we arent aware because of the  illusion of life and how by births we become closer to the supreme and at one time when we have no likes or dislikes we merge into him in Nirvana .

This unlike his simple sermon was complicated and complex but I communicated well that he got the hang of it .

He was honest enough to tell it made more sense than his and he would start reading more on Hinduism .

we then parted amicably .

For a change I became an EVANGELIST for Hinduism 

and managed to almost convert an evangelist !!

Battle of the Bulge

For a long time in my fifties I was a fixed 94 Kg , which isn't anything to be proud of , but it isn't anything to be ashamed of too ,

I do indulge in gastronomic adventures to satisfy my soul and not  sacrifice much to shave off weight .

I agree .

Iam not a Diabetic or hyperlipedmic .

My post Covid days in 2020  when I lost a rewarding 17 kg and had  a Speckled beard to give a sagely hungry appearance was my best in recent times .

 But wife promptly flung into an action to retrieve a slim Hari back into a rounded one in a revolutionary zeal  ,

turning me  back to the 94 kg and my plump original ,by feeding me all my favourites in which she had a doctorate .

And she succeeded so fast too .

That's OK , as long as it stayed there ,but then slowly my weight  rose ,

It shockingly glided over the hundred and never stopped going up 

I was like ISROS sucessful rockets going over into  stratospheric heights in my weight business .

 I blamed all the weighing machines in the world had gone berserk .

Naturally those who had seen my FB posts will smirk ,

What do you expect with all those food you post ,cook and fill yourself with ?

You think you will be a Milind Soman or a Junior Ambani ?

You had no choice buddy .

Lard is your birthright .

But in reality dear people .

 I only have a breakfast which was just two eggs ,but now becoming a little heavier with some snacking at 3pm and a couple of chapatis for dinner .

Poor me 😕

All those dinner varieties I post  ,the Biriyanis I  make ,the ice creams ,faloodas  sweets and Liquid temptations I swallow and post in FB  are not regular guys and gals .

Believe me 🙄

 whether you believe it or not that's the whole truth my Lords .

  I unfailingly walk for an hour or swim again for an hour at least six days a week 

so dont lecture me on 

move your butt maan !!

Since last one year I joined a Gym .

Initial days were my honeymoon times as I did grow some muscles and looked smarter .

My fantasies grew and I started rippling my Biceps whenever I saw a,mirror .

I had day dreams of being mobbed by lovely lasses on my langurous shiny sweaty muscles gleaming under my shirts .

I even started to walk with a swag of a 

Mr Cochin which stopped the day my ortho friend asked me if I was developing a varus deformity .

And then it all stopped as weight went north like a bullet train .

100 looked distant now .

My friendly instructions condoled me look if you dont do Gym it will grow faster .

So I continue with the Gym and do all those pulls and pushes with those  funny things there .

My dalliance with the weighing machine at this ripe age is obscene , bordering on rape almost .

Most of my shirts are bursting buttons and barnacles  

I sweat like a pig , 

I avoid stairs like a frightened mouse 

And gasp in frustration if I have to climb some .

 I generally avoid getting on a weighing machine 

Why invite depressive readings ?

If I was going to be a Junior Ambani of God at least gimme the money that goes with it 

Iam apologetic in crowded lift and joke 

you see I can make it go faster if going down .

I definitely expect people these days  to make first comments on seeing me  .

 Oh you put on so much weight !

 is standard fare I am countered with

One smart alec added  and 

Fatter ... yaas Fatter and Darker too !

As  if people remembered my slimmer fairer days , but they definitely do seem to my darker and  fatter one with pleasure .

Once entering a function with a thin acquaintance ,who met his friend in the hall and he never knew me ,

Of course he can't comment on me 

I thought ,as I don't know him 

but I was wrong 

There is something in me that invites such comments from strangers !

The man looked at his thin friend and said 

" hey D look at you !

unlike your friends wife ( pointing to me ) yours doesn't feed you huh ! Look how healthy and rounded he is " 

Actually the comment was only on D and made by a total stranger ,but the loser was again ME 😒

My Paunch an entirely personal pelf for a man has been growing unhindered and shortly the  ground view for me  may require a mirror or my mobile .

As I try to paper over  my obese indignities  by using labels like prosperity, happiness not limited by limitations, Internally I fret and fume on my losing 

BATTLE OF THE BULGE .

Ps :  Avoid the advices please

You are allowed to laugh at my predicaments , even rolling on the floor is legal and politically acceptable behaviour .

but no advices please

Thats an offence under BNS 24 even the CJI cannot save you from 

Bye need to have my dinner 😁

    Major H was his short name in RAW

he was the fastest in drawing the revolver in the western command before he joined RAW.

Within years fastness evolved into an illusion .

No one saw anything that was done no one heard anything but the victim plunged into wherever suddenly.

Either on top of the Eifel tower in Paris, the UNESCO in Vienna, Alpian peaks,or Houston's downtown, Tokyo's fish market at dawn, or at Mumbai's Leopold.

This time he drove the jeep into the desert of Jaisalmer and got on top of a swaying camel Al Pacino ( camels name) he sent off the camel man and swayed off into the white sands of emptiness.

He knew the BSF outpost 40 km away was empty as the border had moved away after the last Indo-Pak war.

He tied his camel tied a few km away in the shadows

Dusk in the desert was dark and cold

He walked briskly to the outpost in the knee-deep sand.

The shadowy silhouette of the outpost was pale in the feeble moonlight.

He started digging a hole deep enough to snuggle in when he should cover it with a strong iron board he had brought strewn with sand.

He then stood ramrod straight behind the wall

H waited silently without movement,

He was used to waiting for hours in all sorts of places.

He knew they would come both the terrorist leaders and without escorts

They needed to talk as changes were happening rapidly

He knew as he had his sources,

Suddenly in the dark, he could see two camels closing down and they both getting down huddling together on the sand

The most wanted two for India.

He leaned over the broken wall and sent two bullets flying in the dark which hit bulls eyes with a swoosh

They fell together.

He knew their men a few meters away too had seen it and would come,

He slipped into the hole he had dug with an air tunnel deep into the sands covered with an iron board he had brought.

He hoped they wouldn't find him ,went into an yogic trance while they rummaged on top frustratingly.

After hours they carried off thier leaders

He waited for more time nibbling at energy bar and sipping some water .

It was noon the next day

he listened for any sound .

Slowly he lifted board peeped out

Saw that they left one man to watch .

Silently H got back in waited for the dark ,

Just got out marched straight to the surprised guy and wrung his neck .

He walked to the camel and like any local swayed on it to his jeep

He took his mobile

Done mission accomplished

Mezcal mother of tequilas

We had bought this Mezcal

 ( Tequila is Agave cactus made ..mexican drink ) 

Mezcal is the Mother of Tequila ,

yes the original Cactus drink of Mexico 

Today slowly being sold all over the  world as an exotic drink and becoming famous ,

Usually a dead worm is in bottle fattened on the drink called Gustav ,

You  can see it if u look carefully at picture .

Earlier it was a cottage industry in Oaxaca and there were plenty of Mezcal bars .

We bought one 750 ml bottle  in Oaxaca pronounced Wahaca a heritage town one hour by flight from Mexico city the mother of Mezcals as a novelty .

The brand BENEVA  we bought was a reputed one too and had a smart showroom to sell it .

We forgot that we had no check in ticket and we couldnt carry it as cabin luggage on return unless we pay ten times for on spot check in !

So on day of return we were bit anxious .

First  we tried bartering it to our airport drop Taxi driver as fare ,he just laughed at us 

Guys I am born and brought up with Mezcals Are you Indians trying to pass me off with one but he  just said 

no sir !!

As soon as we reached Airport wife even tried her sob story to a  security officer of  how we poor and old 

( senior citizen ..me ) Indians made a mistake and can we take it in for sake of Indo mexican detente .

Security man replied politely with no diplomatic inundoes 

No Madam no liquids beyond 100 ml

Wife was eyeing me with purpose

 Oh no 

Not that 😟🤔

I knew what she wanted 

She would asked me drink it off why waste it !🙄

My dear itsnt mineral water its 65 % 

W/V absolute alcohol !!!!

She knew that being a doctor herself but she was more a woman when it came to not wasting things !

You will need a stretcher for me I said 

I will be flatter than an iron !

So with that finalised we decided to throw away our prized Mezcal in a bin as no one seemed to want it !

It should have been Cochin many would grab it .

Suddenly we saw a sales outlet of the same brand in lobby .

I saw a couple trying to browse drinks there 

I said hello 

Looking for Mezcal 

I have one for a bargain !!

The man nodded and looked away 

I never thought I would become a bootlegger in distant Mexico at this stage of my life 🙄

The salesgirl was listening .

She asked me hello Sir if its our brand I know your problem dont worry leave it here I will give you a chit and you can collect a brand new one at our counter near Gate beyond security .

People do it all the time and we help our customers you see .

Oh my Mescal God

I couldnt believe it

So we did bring back the mezcal back .

 On a lazy sunday I had one peg on the rocks with my co brother

It was smooth not very bitter i didnt use salt or lime as with Tequila but with sprite .

Went in smoothly and with no percebtible effect then or later 

Maybe I needed more 

So thats the story of Mezcal the Mother of Tequila .

Ps .....the mutton Biriyani was made by yours faithfully

 

Mundu tales

 In Mallu land a mundu or dhoti is tradition .

In fact its unisex .

Most men and women simply wound around their waist a white piece of cloth albeit a long one one that draped down to the toes from days back in kerala .

The difference was the men had a habit of folding it into half for convinience or ventilation or body language .

Can one ever forget a Mohanlals unfolding his mundu in Spadikam using it as his famous weapon against his enemies ?

But with women turning to saree and chudidhar the mundu has become the preorgative of the mallu man expect on occasions or temple visits or weddings when the mundu is worn by women too ..

Now the art of wearing a double mundu needs to come out of sheer practice and some dedication .

Innocent the actor in a malayalam film enacts how a sozzled man does it by lying on one and rolling oneself .

Mundus definitely cannot defy gravity and using a belt to hold it ,for me is juvenile .

 Remember it has no button or zip or pocket which is a big disadvantage in carrying a wallet mobile etc which a pant would hold with non chalance .

Somehow a Shahrukh khan or anyone north of Vindhyas look comic in a mundu and cant carry it off just like we southies cannot a pyjama kurta with same elan .

Most Malabar temples and Padmanabhaswamy temple insist on mundus and many tourists from other states walk around with rented pieces of clothes uncomfortably draped .

I still feel there is nothing to beat a golden kasavu properly tied with an elegant half sleeved silk shirt and a shining chain shown on a hairy chest with a sardonic smile from a moustachiod mallu which shows him in his best.

It all depends on how good he can hold it 😁

Covid dreams

 Covid dreams ....

Multi millions in dollars were his pocket money in Swiss vaults .

Bitcoins were strewn in his online wallets .

His employees dealt with money similar to GDP s of several countries .

He woke up every day to an empire he had no knowledge of in its vastness .

Like God would to his universe .

But then he employed people to do it for him and he paid them well .

He lived well too .

After all why shouldnt he when it was he alone who made all this and more .

His financial aberrations were minor earthquakes in the  Wall street .

Brokers in London and Japan watched him keenly to detect a frown in that smiling countenance for that would bring zillions if invested wisely but he was clever enough not to give away his thoughts .

His smile was more for those who couldnt decipher what he hid behind that gentle smile he was known for .

The grimaces never came out .

The frowns were only guessed by his faithful who would take the action needed to negate it , so the smile would be back and they were richly rewarded .

His way of living was never Bohemian .

His riches werent new for him to have such juvenile pleasures .

He was graceful ,tasteful, tactful ,and tenous in his tactics .

His teetotalism in public would fool most but for his faithful who knew he loved his costly single malts on the rocks or that he had a penchant for carribean Rum with tons of ice .

His love for ice was more public probably stemmed from having born and lived in hot humid places .

His water bottles were made of pure crystal and it was surprising they never broke after being in freezer for 5 minutes before it was taken to  him .

The boss had his tastes .

It wasnt the best Michelin starred chefs for he could buy most off the shelf but it was nostalgia which prodded his minions to search small streets in small towns and pilfer the cooks there for fortunes to work under his empire.

Collecting his kind of chefs and cooking with them on off was his hobby and thier futures were assured .

Many had gone on to build franchises in different parts of world with his parting farewell packages.

He was decent on that .

Artists writers and singers were his other fads and they would go back with baubles from his prized collections when invited .

Not much was known on his tastes for women suffice to say it was never subterranean and for an eternal bachelor he was discrete .

He never bothered about his income taxes as he paid ten times what he was required to and more telling them go easy on those middle class tax payers stop harassing them for he was an  Income tax Robin hood .

Countries waited to give him visas and citizenships but if he wanted that all he needed was to go to one his own islands in the pacific ocean , though one was occupied by a weird swami called Nityananda as he swam into it 

He left him alone poor beggar hes more harmless now so  let him have his fun he told his defense section when they wanted to delete him .

This was a frightful section which moved on its own to meet challenges to the boss physically or morally .

The underworld was careful to give him a wide berth and  his select professionals hired from KGB CIA MOSSAD and RAW .

no ISI of course

He was patriotic there you see .

His days started early with deep sea diving off his beach home or wild life photography at dawn  if was in his core forest home 

When in any major city in the plush but unassuming penthouses he owned above 100 floors where he could step off his Augustus Westland helicopter fleets piloted by best amongst  the retired  IAF .

His Beechcraft or Pilatius fleets waited for his nod to fly intercontinental spewing thier jet fumes from capsules of ultimate luxury .

His cars need not be commented upon 

Most were only one piece models of the most luxurious brands and thier moulds were broken after making for him if not he would just buy that company .

Arab shiekhs jostled each other to view his collections on rare invites.

He had the worlds best designers shoe makers on contract who would drop all jobs to fly in his jets to measure his needs .

And then came COVID !!!

He was fine he didnt get it.

But he woke up from his deep sleep to know it was the third lockdown and he had no job 🤣 for now !!!!

Steth around necks

 Somehow I dont like Doctors in Talk shows or in profiles in social media with stethoscopes around their neck unless its taken when working .

Picture shown here was when I was in my out patient clinic working 😊

The point is dont use it as a symbol of authority otherwise serving no purpose .

Strangely its more frequent in Ayush doctors for whom stethoscope really  serves not much but as an ornament only .

I see Dentists too at times adorning them making me wonder on toothy auscultations .

Funnily enough Travancore medical council is reviving the ancient archaic law of prohibiting  doctors from advertising thier skills !!

When every quack doing mumbo jumbo practice  projects himself in GOK its social service for genuine doctors to proclaim that they are around too in this  quackland 

I meant Kerala .😂

The problem is Medical councils are inhabited by ancient crustacean vestiges whose mindset lies in prehistory .

They are in suspended animation in the past .

Iam for a qualified doctor telling the world whats hes trained for and what hes good at so that public can make wise choices 

 but

 without a steth around the neck like Lord Shiva with his serpent .

Anatomy of a Goverment office

 The Anatomy of a Goverment office .

To me Goverment offices are familiar since childhood .

My oldest memory as a 6 or 7 year old  school boy playing amongst dusty files of The Home department in The Secretariat of the then Madras State Goverment where my father was the Superintendent .

Of course it wasnt a frequent trip but a rare one or two but I do remember the homely canteen with fresh mixture and filter coffee I was treated with ,and the meticulous notes by my dad in the voluminous files .

His notes in the files were said to be even appreciated by the minister himself ,for thier literary and logical content as in those days Ministers had adequate intelligence and patience to recognise and appreciate such talents of thier employees  unlike now !

By my tenth year my dad left me as a fatherless child with a monthly family pension to my mum which had to be physically collected unlike bank crediting these days .

Though in intial days I went with my mother , the remark of my dads friend once "hey young man why dont you come alone instead of troubling your poor mum ?"

And so it was seen a half short boy stood in line every month amongst octogenarians and gruff pensioners and widows .

When we reached the counter i had to stand on tip toe to sign and get the money and take it home by bus .

Later in my medical college days all in Goverment colleges I was asked to bring my mother on Day one when others had brought thier whole families 😁

During my post graduate admission in Madras medical college I showed my anger at the Deans secretary for making me wait interminably ,by then I had developed a faint distrust on Goverment offices ,but the secretary showed his revenge by complaining to the Dean of the arrogant new PG who felt Dean better see him and NOW .

I got an earful from the said Dean who blasted me and I stared at him thinking you Govt moron 😁 while my eyes filled .

With this bad start I quickly was in bad books of Radiotherapy Asst prof Dr Boopal who felt I was an arrogant guy taking my own time to reach OP and conferred with the Director of radiology and  radiotherapy dept in Bernard institute of Cancer and I promptly got a lecture from him too on humility and a sneering Bhoopal standing on the side .

Bloody Govt wallahs was all what I thought then 😁 .

Strangely Bhoopal sir came to know I had enough reasons  and lack of humility wasnt exactly what I was made of ,and he became not only a good friend but a mentor too ,taking me home and giving me books and wishing me well .

I happened to see Bhoopal sir years later in an oncology conference in Chennai  to laugh over those days 😂 .

I never joined Govt service though I attempted Army medical corps but after the passed interview ,my myopic eyes didnt make the selection !

I still remember the recruiting colonel telling me AMC wasnt so great ,as he knew my uncle was a big officer and so felt I needed some explanations 😁

And later I got selected to Indian Railways and so I was waiting for the final selection and was thinking of all the first class travels across India I found it was not to be so as they just cancelled the whole list that year due to a court case claiming it as not needed 🙄😁 .

And I started my private practice smiling all the way to bank for two decades .

My going to RCC for an observer course was my next Sort of Govt experience .

The Director the famous Dr Krishnan nair Sir didnt encourage me when I met him 

He asked me 

" whats your plans for doing an observership here ?"

" I said Academia Saar "

Somehow I managed to convince him of my not having morbid ulterior motives and I did a stint of two months in RCC .

The best thing happening then was my meeting VPG Sir and developing an instant rapport with him and later my  coming back to oncology by joining VPG sir in Lakeshore hospital in Cochin .

No Govt hospital you see 😁

My stints abroad in Tawam Hospital run hy Johns Hopkins  in Al ain ,UAE and Brunei cancer center in Brunei Darrusalam were premier Govt hospitals but selectively autonomous ,unlike thier Govt hospitals .

 Now back to VPSLH a private one .

But I did visit a lot of Govt offices regarding my house for paying property tax ,corpn tax ,electricity, telephones,  like anyone else and had my share of fights there too 😁

During Shilpa society days I went to Trivandrum on off or to collectorate kakkanad to push files .

I used to wait for long hours at times in their chairs even napping and seeing dreams 😁 .

After a long long time I went yo pay property tax for my apartment in Kakkanad  today .

The Thrikakkara muncipality was in a brand new building but I was stopped in the doorway 

I said in malayalam

"Came to pay tax "

"Give fotostat copy of your bill go home , come back on day we call you ,covid rules you see "

Guy I have seen many like you

"I told him look , I need to see the biggest officer in this building ! "

This technique I used often even in the UAE once and becoming buddy with the biggest Arab in that building in due course.

Something in my voice made him open the  door and point to a lady officer

See her

I went in

Madam I am a doctor and cant come another day implying on how busy we covid warriors were 😐🤨

Madam apologetically took me to a clerk and she got my job done 

Thanks people

For once I liked Govt workers 

I just added a parting shot which I couldnt resist

" Its best these things are online "

"Yes we are on it "

I said 

"You have a new building but still an old mind ! "😁

😁

Zoom meetings

Zoom meetings ..

Corona has made paradigm changes in the way we live in this world .

Amongst so many such changes I would put Zoom cloud meetings up in the list .

From meetings in a conference table with the boss looking at you making your presentation  ,where u chat with the girls on both sides, or spill hot coffee u took  for the meeting to make you appear meeting fatigued .

Abroad its the ubiquitous Starbucks coffee which one keeps sucking even when  empty ,label you see ,it sort of tells about you as the hard working mean eyed executive lasting on a starbucks through his or her busy day .

Its another matter that you sneaked into the cafeteria before you came to the meeting and wolfed a big fat buttered pizza like a true blue glutton .

All that was in pre covid days !

Today its all Zoom .

The Chinese released Corona on you as well as the Zoom .

In the early days many entered the zoom meetimgs half expecting a chink eyed Tsing Tsang to spring from behind the mobile or the laptop as it was said the Chinese knew all behind zooms .

But these days we wont flutter an eyelid if we do see one ,and may even ask him to get us a hot cup of bat soup ooops .

But the real fun in Zoom is watching the participants as long as one doesnt do what most do .

Many join the meeting in the  last minute dishivelled and if more than 55 have thier children guiding them into it .

For a few minutes one can see the ceiling ,the floor,the pants of the participant if hes lucky to wear one !

Arre its at home bhai .

Then  the nerdy teen disappears to play his games or twiddle in instagram and like a shipwrecked sailor ones left all alone  .

Many grin into the atmosphere vacantly making multiple greetings till they find all the tiny windows of dishivelled hairdos (covid no haircuts ) or unshaven chins and grey streaks for the ladies and  hurriedly smudged lipstick most looking like what the cat brought home cant hear them .

I love those windows with faces peeping like a poor mans Republic TV the best one can get if Arnob doesnt want you in his show .

And then the great mute unmute foreplay starts before any zoom meeting .

Most press the unmute button not knowing their conversations are heard like in an FM  radio .

And thus we hear S calling for his wife J

 can u get me that kattan ? 

 ie black tea for non mallus

 I need some energy to face this meeting 

and J answering 

didnt I tell you the tea dust is over 2 days back !!

And the sheepish grin of the rest of participants in knowing the macroeconomic details of S who in flesh and blood meetings was a formidable almost dangerous guy with an unerving presence .

Zoom does make you equals .

And R never realises hes on prime time viewing as he digs with three and half fingers on his right side of nose looks at the booty and goes to the left till he suspects he has become a snoot y celebrity !

These days Home is definitely not the best place to scratch where you itch ,you could become viral buddy .

And then the meeting starts with whispers murmurs ,guffaws, curses from those who are yet to grapple the mechanics of muting .

Suddenly G gets up obviously to go to the loo ,luckily he doesnt take his mobile with the zoom meet (tk God for small mercies ) along but places it on the table when the camera points to his striped purple underwear worn over a classy shirt and tie .

Poor man never knew his dark underbelly would be the talk of the town .

And then theres M who keeps cud chewing all through the meeting .

Most participants are trying to find out what he has been chewing for so long .

So in a zoom if participants stare hard dont think they liked your speech

 they may have just spotted that your zip was open .

The picture is from online nothing to do with this post

I can remove pic if objected

Happy zooming

Tied in Ties

The Tiring Ties 

I started wearing a tie for work only in UAE and continued till I left Brunei .

In initial days I was not very adept at tying one ,I was taught by my friend Sushil Daniel an opthalmic surgeon in Cochin who with a Stephanian past was well versed .

He came home to teach me before I left to Dubai 😁

When I landed in Abudhabi and later was taken to Al ain and checked into 

Hotel Hilton as planned by my hospital by  official Sidhu who recieved me .

 I  told him to wait and  had a bath and quickly adorned a ready made knotted tie I had  kept for an emergency to go to hospital to place my credentials .

Within days i used to knot ties in my sleep and also got a big collection as gifts or as my shopping as ties were sold in so many varieties in the malls there .

Come winter I started wearing jackets and coats and its collection too grew .

In Brunei the tie business continued ,though jackets werent needed much with its climate expect for formal occasions like meeting the royal highness or when making a presentation in conferences .

I hated to wear a two piece suit and preferred a suit over a jeans in colder climes or for grand evenings .

When working in Tawam Hospital ,Al Ain,UAE we had for a short time a medical Director of our Oncology dept Dr Sanjay Jain who was an American citizen and selected by John Hopkins group which managed the hospital .

Usually American hospitals preferred more comfortable scrubs or even casual wear but our Sanjay was old school .

He insisted all doctors wear the prescribed full sleeved white coat with tie .

Omg

It wasnt bad in the super cooled interior and in winter even outside but not in summer .

Tawam had a huge laundry to take care of the white coats not the ties 

Nowadays ties and coats are frowned as being transmitters of cross infections

In Brunei it was UK style always .

Doctors wore ties to work every day .

Somehow I always felt strangled and used to ease my tie whenever I had the oppurtunity .

I preferred a blazer without tie on informal evenings .

In India one just wore neat pants and shirt ie it .

Whatever we wore it was the work done which was more important .

Mallu intellecualism

Shallow jingoisms is all thats needed to get away in malluland .

Once u start believing u know all , and u r the most intelligent ,you lose the curiosity to find out the truth ,the path to fairness,you slip into routine,you are the prime target of propagnda .

Communism and such other philosophies rely on such machinations to keep their subjects in line,make believeisms ,Goebellism ,suceeds in such fertile soils .

This is why the malayalee believes such shallow shiboleths by thier ministers ,politicians , anchors that with time ,they change into automatons living in a make believe castle of superiority, while in actual reality they are sad examples of intellectual poverty ,caught in the maze of collective stupidity .

For a change for the very few who differ from the common, its good to hear rational arguments break the shallow walls of falsehood .

The illietrate farmer of Tamilnadu or the poor cobbler in distant Bihar may not compare to the mallu thinker with his thick tomes, but in terms of intellectual liberty and common sense unbound by indoctrinations ,he is more democratic .

Ventilator story

The Ventilator Story ....

The average layman mallu knows ventilators as objects used in big hospitals in keeping the dead patient for a few days more  to make a fat bill .
Thats what his media tells him and thats what he sees in those avant garde award winning  films and in  those cheesy serials in TV .
Of course some of them have seen their loved ones saved by those ventilators and know it isnt true .
But these days the malayalee is hearing statistix of ventilators in the state .

Covid 19 afflicted patients need them in a situation of acute respiratory distress .

The machine takes over the weakened respiratory apparatus for vital oxygenation,needs intubation and sedation and monitoring by skilled intensivists nd trained nurses .

In short a technically complex ,costly, life saving machine  .

Hope dear mallu next time you get to know your grandpa is on one please believe hesnt dead as a dodo .

Cant blame the mallu pshyce which believes a qauck better than a qualified doctor or invests in goat farms or believes blade companies for investments .

The penchant for foolishness in a mallu  increases with  his literate state .

Now lets see how much a ventilator costs
Today an Indian ventilator can be bought for 3 lakhs not a big deal but thats not enough
One cant put a ventilator in the friendly neighbourhood clinic it needs an aseptic ICU with piped oxygen and skilled personell ,maintenance and parts on off .

We do see rusted ventilators in Govt hospital shrubs which an over enthusiastic politician had bought in bulk with no plans to install or maintain till it becomes like a discarded KSRTC bus or an election lost MLA .

And so dear mallu this is the story of a ventilator
Just to ventilate your locked days and nights .

Rains

I love rains whether  in Brunei or Cochin or in Al Ain
The best swims i had was during heavy rains
Generally not a soul would venture into the pool in Brunei then
In fact the rules prohibited using it as one could get electrocuted by an untimely lightening but then tell me a better way to die than that !!
Walking in rains isnt so good specially in Cochin as vehicles splatter you with mud and may mostly knock you down not at all pleasant as you land up with boken bones mostly broken mind too .
Rains are best to sit in ones house
in mine in the  lovely balcony gazing into the green expanse as it pours its benevolence ,a hot chai would help in the gaze too .
Driving in rains too isnt very pleasant as visibility is less and potholes are covered not by tar but by water and one could splatter a pedestrian or a two wheeler inadvertently.
A few days back i did this unintentionally to an auto guy who promptly overtook me and stopped his auto in front of me as he calculated i would hit him and then he can fleece me .
With kerala being what it is ,whatever a car guy does or doesnt he has to pay to the poor comrades in lesser wheels.
Commie justice
I just managed to not hit him and shouted at him for which he shouted back telling me you spattered me i wanted to shatter you .

Yup possible but then things dont work as you want comrade ,and you of all narrow arrogance can never decipher it ,
Lol salaam get lost ,and iam on way ,

though i told all this only to myself 😁

Rains are nostalgic
Remember once as i sped on my cycle home from school when i was around 12 years old my mother towelling me and asking me to lie down for some time covering me with a blanket as i was shivering, later feeding me a delicious hot lunch.
Thats rains for you !

Ever drop  a time capsule a comfort resort a pleasure ride

Raw agent

Photo story ...

It was snowing
The chill stole up my windcheater and into my bones gnawing it like with a chain saw .
A RAW agent in New York cannot use cold as an excuse .
Extremes of climate was part of an agents life
Drawing a loaded weapon aiming it and hitting targets cannot point at frozen fingers
Excuses and apologies dont exist in the vocabulary of the profession
The targets dont understand them
They know only one chance the thin thread between life and death
I hardly fit the role which was exactly what was needed
I looked every inch an academic Indian who had come to 53 avenue 24 th street for another dreary meet .
The ubiquitous Indians seen on the Manhattan thoroughfares .
They were there all the time
With families towing grinning at selfies in Times square
Gingerly holding a Manhattan cocktail and wincing at its bitter Bourbon in the crowded bar
Bouncers watched somberly as scantily clad girls moved around hunting for prey
The smoke inside the bar was more than the flakes outside.
As its warmth descended down into my bowels a glow suffused on my homely face
Anything to beat the cold
The wait in the Brooklyn bridge for hours was a torture till i saw the short Japanese walk briskly giving me a camera to shoot his picture like any tourist would !
Only difference after that he just walked away while the camera found its way into my windcheater and now to give it to the lanky huge Russian bartender was my job .

The cocktail was half empty when he sidled up to me with arched eyebrows
Idrastinikov
He grunted wheezily while i extricated the chip in the camera and slid it near my glass
With the deft of a magician he took it and left the scene
I looked around

The crowd was behaving no different
An indistinct Indian nursing a cocktail in a Manhattan bar made no news which is precisely what I wanted
Merging into crowds was our USB drilled into us during our years in training !
One minute we are there and then a crack of a shot and we disappear like Houdini .

The satellite phone I had was tiny the latest
i took it as it trilled
And just said two words
Cocktail good
Thousands of kilometers away sitting in an old Delhi office an obese officer tapped into his laptop an indistinct coded message
Mission accomplished

Buying a camel

Since wife has gone to Rajasthan with her sister when she asked me what i want i told her to buy me a camel .

.its ideal for cochin traffic

With present roads it will be at home similar to desert dunes full of ups downs
I can ride it in any hartal
If errant drivers graze it they will get a good kick and i will have no issues .
I will have no parking problems as all i need is a rope
No insurance issues no depreciation
Can export it to Saudia after few years as pure kochi breed to some sheikh

During hot days all i need is a straw into the camels hump which is like a water tank maybe can add some ice cubes too
If i fit a bag to collect dung i can sell it as fertlisers
I may need some hay
mebbe it will get used to mallu parottas
It wud never get punctured

The only service it requires is a kick in the rump

Kuyil Raju Kathas ( stories )

Koel or nightingale is Kuyil in Malayalam and Tamil .
Generally good singers are given that name like Lata Mangeskar ji or Chitra of the south .

This story is about someone who was a bad singer but who loved to sing and hence called cynically as Kuyil Raju .
Raju was never known to me for he was my uncles close buddy part of the gang who were upto all sort of things in my  village  Parappanangadi

My ancestral village is in Malappuram district ,on the coast and on route to Calicut from Shoranur by rail .
Most of my holidays of childhood was spent in the greenly corridors called edozhis or small ways of this village and diving into the green ponds or eating green mangoes with stolen chilly powder ,in the evenings we would powder ourselves and stand near the gate combing our hairs to gawk at our favourite damsels going to the temple with the boiling hormones of the young .

Raju unlike me and my cousins who only came here on holidays was born and brought up here .
He and his friends were in their twenties and grown men with more mature pleasures like stealing coconuts drinking toddy and whisky singing like rascals fooling around in the temple festivals etc.
these men were also the first to join the annual cleaning of the temple tank which was a nocturnal picnic with men of all ages and sizes jumping into the shallow pond as most of its water would have been pumped out  to  remove the mud in swathes and throw it into the adjacent paddy fields ,so that the pond was fresh to receive the monsoon rains .
by midnight most of the married men would have returned to their scowling wives and kuyils gang would then bring out their hidden beverages and dig deep for camouflaged fishes for a deep fry side dish .
Legends grew around Kuyil Rajus escapades specially on his acting debacles .
Kuyil prized himself as an entertainer and he was always in an important role in the amateur dramas staged for the annual vayanasala or local library annual day .
this was a big event in the village and the gaily lit stage glittered on the side of the Railway line while the whole village in their evening best gathered on the sands in front to watch the fun .
One time our kuyil was Socrates and his bearded countenance was at his histrionic best while he swallowed the hemlock with a grimness unsurpassed ,he never knew to make it more authentic the brew concocted by his friends  had some strong arrack with a couple of valiums thrown in for good measure .our Kuyil promptly sunk to the stage with a deep gasp that got a  lot of applause at its exactness ,his friends carried him backstage and he wouldn't wake up for hours slowly they started getting worried and rushed him to the local hospital for a stomach wash and a resurrected Kuyil Raju  opened his eyes .
on another time he again acted as a dying man for which he was getting a real name by then as the applause grew our peoples actor got up and fell dead once more listening to the audience demand only to be hooted away .
once as a bearded character he was in the green room fuming at the long lecture by the local politician  who was also his long time drinking partner and as the night grew and the beard produced uncontrollable itching kuyil dragged him back from the stage with the big mike in tow .
The magnum opus of the great Kuyil was his notorious role as Draupadi
the mythical wife of the pandavas was disrobed by a villainous Dushashan and ogled by the kauravas in the Mahabharatha  while Draupadi cried to lord Krishna to save her
Lord Krishna  did save Draupadi but not poor kuyil Raju on that day when he acted as  Draupadi

The inside story was that  the Dushashan guy got his signal to stop disrobing at the 6th saree as there were only 7 but he being a real actor and specially after his extra petrol he did not stop at 6 or even 7 and suddenly there was Draupadi in lined long underwear with a stupid grin on his face .

this effectively retired Kuyil from the field and he was seen moaning Manasa mayile varru and such sad songs under lonely trees
and later he got married and that was the end of Kuyil Raju !!as we know him


 

Lost in a limbo

This post comes from me after life without G mail for less than a week !

Somehow my account got disabled and finally was reactivated after several frantic mails to Google in U.S. and sending them the princely sum of 30 cents by credit card !

These past days my mail account ,Picassa ,Blog and Google talk all were frozen .

now I knew how people feel when thier accounts get frozen

I mean the biggies like Kalmadi and Raja !

How dependent we are today on technology ?

What does one do when one cant acess FB and orkuts !

one almost get withdrawal symptoms

What about all the mails which I had put off to read for another day ?

what about all my e mail contacts ?

how could I ever let the world know l know that Iam non communicado for now ?

These questions bothered me .

I was just ruminating on starting all new

But with more than 160 blogposts to start afresh without my favourites was quite sad

it was almost like a rebirth

like taking a new avatar

And then it all came back and am writing this now .

you know guys and gals the climax wasnt so earth shattering

As I eagerly opened my inbox all I saw was a lot of forwards and a sprinkle of personal mails

Fact is nobody seemed to have missed me much !!

psst dont let it out

Tihar Tweet

Tihar Jail today is teeming with celebrities

who made loads of money in thier large kitties

they stole from the country left and right

and today the bare walls of Tihar is in thier sight !

Remember the commonwealth conman Kalmadi

these days his debonair beard looks a bit tardy

Suresh bought toilet papers at unbelievable prices

Toilet paper was just one amongst his vices

Andhimuthu Raja the Dalit minister who made trillions

by selling his 2 G spectrums for many many zillions

today this hero of the poor and the man of the masses

is sadly forgotten even by his bosses

The doe eyed Kanimozhi and smart MP of the south

These days hardly dares to open her mouth

For she dreads the jail food of bread and tea

All she wants is to tell her Raja I told you u see

All the rapists murderers bandits and rogues

who form majority of the Tihars Logs

are delighted at thier home becoming breaking news

To them much better than a hill station with its views

Many more of the class need to go in

All the remaining leaders filled with sin

The Lok pal bill is a sharp damocles sword

hanging over thier heads like a heavy load

Black money and bank accounts in Switzerland

could one day just become as worthless as sand

cheating ones country is the worst crime

One hopes the Indian politician realises it in time

Neerkoli Ammini

Rain made Parappanangadi a green magical world Its incessant drumbeat , constant gushing of water, surreal croaking of frogs ,humming of insects and fluttering of moths marked it
arrows of sharp rain from the dark skies would hit the bluish green water of the brimming pond
lightening flashes would give momentary glimpses of a watery world which would l...ater meld into the darkness It during one of those rainy days did the story unfold in my ancestral house Thekkepat kovillakkam

There were two female cooking assistants to Nambiar our big cook ,one was Ammini the plumpier one and the other Unnuli
none of Amminis fleshier moments distracted Nambiar from his personal passion which was to cook delicious food for the house

My grandmother Karthiyayani amma was a no nonsense person and all were mortally afraid of her except Nambiar ,who was too old to be afraid of anyone , both conferred and conspired to create exotic menus to feed the hungry inmates

Non vegetarian food was rarely cooked there

flesh was only to be cooked only in the outer shed and brought to the northern dining hall to be eaten it was difficult

this needed running with hot dishes by Ammini with an umbrella more for protecting the dishes from being diluted rather than creating a wet Ammini

a seductive wet Ammini for us adolescents was more appetizing than the dishes

,wet firewood was another problem in rain

Ammini had to fetch dry ones from the loft a little away from the house with be a piece of cloth over her head as even Ammini could not carry firewood as well as an umbrella .

One day in the loft , some slithering thing had bitten her

" Pampu Pampu ( snake,snake ) she shouted and ran into the house

Flushed and breathless she swooned .

Nambiar yelled "get her to kumaran vaidyan quickly,

Ammini was laid into a makeshift stretcher of a wooden bench and carried to Kumaran vaidyan the local snake bite expert .

we all tropped along

was it the end of our dear Ammini ? we were sad !

The procession grew in size as it meandered along

news spread like wild fire and rumours of Ammini dead was on

a wet and anxious village reached the Vaidyans house

Ammini was popular amongst all for various reasons

Vaidyan spat his betel leaf

"ivide kedathu " ( make her lie here )

He opened her eyes with a finger and checked her pulse .

cleaned her right wrist

" onnum parayan pattila 24 manikur kaziyadhe "( nothing can be told till it is 24 hours ) he declared
suddenly the crowd parted as Kunjan the local idiot had come with a snake in his hand

He had gone to the firewood shed and found the wriggling specimen which with the dare of the innocent had caught it with his bare hands

He was now showing it off like a trophy .

The vaidyan quickly took it from him looked at it and then started laughing .

" ithu neerkoliya " this is a watersnake and threw it into the nearby pond ,

someone threw some water on Amminis face and she woke up with a start

thus was born the legend of Neerkoli Ammini or watersnake Ammini

The Loongi Collections

Lungi is a piece of garment worn around the waist by south Indians mostly Malyalees ,Bangladeshis and also Sri Lankans and some Malays wear Lungi but it is synonymous with Mallu attire

Taking off on this we did a Lungi fashion show in our Indian Medical Association cultural night recently in Kochin

this was created and choreographed by our president Dr Sushil Daniel some of us doctors modelled in the Lungi collection groomed by Christian D Flungi our vetran in house designer

here goes .....

Pala appachachan collection : Palai is a small south Kerala town dotted with rubber plantations owned by rich nazranis ( christian planters who historically claim to hail from Nazareth )

Appachan means pappa or father and the planters genrally have this tag to thier name for example verghese appachan can be vakkachan !thomas appachan can be thomachan
these fellows are genrally know for thier merrymaking scotch guzzling wears spotless white mundus a form of lungis with pearly white vests thick gold chains and spectacles and look classy
our Palai appachan was Dr Sreedhar Kumar

Macho collection : in every place one finds men who love thier bodies and develop them with tender care ,mostly when not at work one can find them in the local Gym straining thier sinews to breaking point or gazing lovingly at thier reflections while softly feeling thier bulges oh no I meant muscles

our IMA Macho Dr Prasan was obviously the right choice for the Macho collection .

The Rajni collection :Rajnikanth the superstar of Tollywood is another name for style and charisma the man even walks in his own style and the internet is full of Rajnidoms these days so what if he is really a balding down to earth guynext door in real life everyone loves him

the Rajni collection was done by yours truly

Mohanlal collection : Mohanlal the podgy superstar of Malluland has oodles of talent his tower of pisa stance jumping gait and trademark grin makes him the dahling of mallus all over
Dr Sajith made a wonderful choice for the Mohanlal collection

NRI collection :NRIs are as famous as coconuts in Kerala for these are two sure sources of income for malluland and the NRI often goes around flashing his wealth to all and sundry
( iam talking of the typical kind gulp returned ) our NRI was Dr Ajay Kumar whose half mast lungi tennis jogging shoes and gesticulations for a wild evening from a beringed finger caused great guffaws with the song Ooty pattanam in the background

Goonda collection : Kochin Haneefa is dead and gone but one can never forget his special act of the local dada with a wide belt holding his lungi from doom and a rusted knife to flash around this goonda collection was by Mr Kamath who brought him live .

The Thilakam style :Thilakam is one popular malaylam movie where Dileep enacts a slightly crazy young man who is fond of pulling lungis from unsuspecting men publicly our Dr Pradeep did a thilakam in style as he pulled the vest off machoman who ran for cover












Thank God he remembered to wear something below that day

kottodi collection : was the last ,the local drunk with his bottle of toddy beedi stump and foul mouth

Dr Tommy could do this better than anyone as he came like he was sozzled to his gills feebly trying to light a beedi in vain

and finally the ramp was dazzled by D flungi himself

Mr Thomas our engineer colleague who gave his large warm self to troop all the lungis into a grand finale dance in the ramp

thus ended the lungi collection

All of us really had a ball !