missing them

 If there are two persons I miss not having with me for more time, one is my elder daughter, Shilpa, though it's a relief for her and in a practical sense to us parents too as looking after a severely disabled child though a ( beautiful doll )is not easy and my heart goes out to thousands of senior parents having to look after adult disabled children.

To an extent, our daughter spared us that though we do miss her and will till we die.

The other person I miss sorely though not all the time is my father who left me when I was just ten years old .

The trauma in school days was when teachers asked what my father's doing to all every year beginning later when I needed his counsel and blessings as a father and later as a friend, but my mother more than made up for all that.

But strangely my dad impressed me for life in just ten years.

Even now I remember him and his very intelligent loving eyes he never till he died raised his voice let alone his hand on me or my sister and even reprimanded my mother if she did so.

Love and making me understand my faults were his ways.

His hard work sincerity never doing anything against rules humility above all scholarship in Sanskrit his love for Carnatic music his simple but neat clothes his walking long to save money on bus tickets his never aching for luxury but providing his family the best had impressed me by observation.

He silently taught me so much which would shape my life

Even now I think twice before spending for anything ,I don't mind travelling i public transport ( I need basic comforts of course ) and as far as possible I have genuine and equalneighbors concern for every human being whoever he is

He worked in the Tamilnadu secretariat in Home department and his English noting's in files were even appreciated by ministers I heard ( those were days when English wasn't looked down upon) we lived in Mylapore the center of Brahmin orthodoxy but our neighbors had no qualms to ask doubts in Sanskrit to Nair Sir who would patiently explain .

There was a Vaidyanathaswamy Iyer next house to our,he was working in the postal dept He had a tuft and was very religious .

Swami was one of my dad's ardent admirers,

On my dad's death he even carried his body on shifting, remember this was in the seventies in Mylapore!

There was a rowdy milkman known to drink in the evenings and make a fuss, he was like a pup when he saw my Dad who used to tell him sternly to stop his vile habits.

On my father's death as a ten-year-old, I remember him weeping like a child after garlanding his body telling him he had lost someone who cared and loved him.

I really wish my dad was around

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32Parameswari Subramanian, Govind Raj and 30 others