fathers day

 know its an out of focus photo of me and my father but thats just how it is .

My memories of my father who left me at my age of 10 five decades back is also out of focus .

But strangely this father of mine left a lot of him in my thoughts in those ten years ,imagine how much he would have if he had lived longer !

I remember with vividity my father as a very intelligent person , a sanskrit scholar and a classical music listener , though he worked in Tamilnadu Secretariat as a junior officer in the Home department .

I do remember our predominantly Tamil brahmin neighbour friends in Mylapore Madras ,where we lived then coming home and asking him doubts on Sanskrit scriptures .

And when he died carrying his body which in those times when caste was quite important wasnt done .

I also remember the local milkman drunkard who was known for his uncouth behaviour specially in the evenings bringing a garland and standing with tears in my fathers funeral and crying ,telling us Ayya was kind to me always.
we never knew that .

I do remember him taking me to his office once , to his canteen and me spending a whole day with him as he jotted in his ebullient script and handwritten notes in the files ,said to be admired by his senior officers and even by the minister .

Nothing much for someone who had no time to get down from the stage as most prizes and awards went to him in school and college those days, though he had so many problems to face ,like walking long distances and eating just a plantain for lunch because of the circumstances he lived then .

I remember him wearing just a couple of well pressed neat pants and shirts even though he could afford more and walking long distances to bus stops ,to save money to send to his family in kerala .

I think unconciously he passed on the message of frugality,sincerity,hardwork,cleverness,andscholarship to me and my sister though I hardly fit in to all that .

I do remember the kindness and soft words and never an angry word, leave alone anything physical on me and those lessons still stay .

I remember the myraid illnesses he suffered and the clinics and hospitals he visited and that might just have rubbed in a bit of empathy to me in my work later .

He may have been an out of focus dad who just lived 10 years of my life ,but he remains so much in my mind and heart every second of my life not only on this fathers day .
This is just an excuse to pen this on him .